A is for..

A-hole.

Which is basically what I've become lately.

It's not news. It's been happening for quite some time. In the name of work, procrastination or "everybody does it" I've blown off people, not returned calls or emails and basically been that guy. But in woman form.

It's been creeping at the edges for months. I've talked less to certain friends. I've blown off invitations and commitments because I didn't want to deal with the sacrifices and repercussions.

No surprise: I've been kinda down. And boozing like a guy who lost his dog/wife/job/truck/left testicle.

Then, through not-so benign neglect, I really treated an old friend badly.
Humiliatingly badly.
Like, blow off a commitment and not realize her dad's dead badly.

I damn near lost it when I found it.
Then I continued to do nothing for 4 days.

Finally, I sat my ass down and wrote an email that was difficult. Embarrassing. And totally freeing.

Then, once that was over, I sent another and left a voicemail for 2 others I suspected might be a little less than pleased with me.

Then I waited. I smoked a scrounged cigarette on the front steps at 2:30 am. I waited.

And, scared but thrilled, opened the inbox.

There was a text. Two emails. Responses.

Scarier yet: opening the above.

No lightning bolts. I'm still alive. One was totally forgiving, jovial and more than a little insincere. The other two seemed a bit more honest, and not quite as lovebug.

It's not over. But it's started.

Pass the Office Treats

I get slipped into my email box every Tuesday, when Tiny Showcase updates me on this week's affordably priced, highly limited print from a cool artist.

Today they also released a fantastic email full of inspiration. Here's a taste:

To being dumb enough to try it, to being crazy enough that it just might work, to being crazy enough that there's no way it's going to work, to being crazy like a fox, to being crazy like a fax....

To the willpower to resist office treats, and nothing else.

To skating on thin ice, to spilling your guts, to caving in, to secret handshakes, to secret plans, to sailors who don't keep secrets....

And then, on a more personal note.
... To all the girls who would rather wait in the car, to all the boys who would rather watch youtube, to getting too old to have the appropriate number of birthday candles on your cake anymore, to wearing your best friend's sweatshirt, and to unexpected letters in the mail (the for real mail)....

Sign up, buy, behold.

All or Nothing

Trail Mix time: slow.
1:14:24
9:36 miles

Root of All Evil

No matter how I try, Rip-L-Chips do me in every time.

It's time for WW + SouthBeach, starting now.

Insomnia

4:20 AM

My insomnialarm goes off at this time, all the time.

What is it about 4:20.

Now that I no longer resist the insomnia as much but use it has made me think maybe it's a creative gift.

2 Bite Philosophy

Apparently, being a fortune cookie author is as stressful as being an ad copywriter. Probably fewer open-tab happy hours, though.

surprise - the trend is that America wants all good news, not necessarily wisdom and definitely nothing ambiguous or negative. Asians accept the good and the bad. Wonder if another generation of happy meals will change that along with their pant sizes.

Apparently, it's quite a task to continuously crank out quick wisdom out in a way doesn't depress patrons -- which could go bad-karma on the server's tips.

The pivotal fortune cookie writer had two major impacts on his craft. First he dropped s"confucious say" out of respect for the philosopher. Then, he added the smiley face. Always know your audience.

The Power of (not quite) Now

If the Times is right, I guess the power of now might best be finding yourself in ye olde right-place, right-time to be the moment's spiritual leader. At least so portray Mr. Tolle.

The publishers exhibit a hard-nosed marketers truth on most self-help new age writing - same story, different wrapper. Maybe it's the contact high theory - if I'm around it, maybe it'll rub off on me without me actually haven't to do anything. Hence, my subscription to three fitness magazines and my current workout once a week schedule.

Is that a bad thing? If reading about change and purpose makes you feel better for a while and that's the only change it brings, isn't that better than nothing at all? Or is an excuse/a delusion?

Look Inside!!

Whoa.. the amazon advertising burst just got all meta and message from the universe.

The power of Oprah. (or is that POO)

Back in the Saddle

Time to get serious. Zero meat, several bad choices later I'm taking this thing seriously and I'm going to start by blogging along with the Oprah webinar of the moment.

Bought the book, getting the link, this will be a learning opportunity. Or just more self help in a strangely Teutonic tone.

day 15 meatless

Review: Boca BlackBean Burgers

OK.
Edible.
Like really really dried out nachos.

FAKE MEAT REVIEW: the other other white non-meat

I had my first mock chicken encounter last Saturday.

There it sat, side-by-side with chicken, shrimp and pork on Chiang Mai Thai's menu. Acting as though it belonged there or something.

I've probably eaten at Chiang Mai Thai 30 times. Never once did I notice this offering, because before this experiment, I surely wouldn't have considered it.

It was good.

Surprisingly protein-esque in its texture, it tasted like, if not chicken, green curry goodness in a chickenicious package. The next day, it was actually even juicier, and therefore rendered more birdlike. I realized there is no real reason to order chicken in a dish like this again.

Hedonism & Health - tie.

The next day I tried some tofu in another thai dish and realized that straight-up, I'm not a fan.

Tofurkey and mock duck or mock pork certainly are more famous - I've tried none of them yet. have been googling mock chicken - I couldn't even find a package of it, just this mock pork below. What is it? Where does it come from? What has it come to teach us?

wisdom from the stars

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):

In my dream, I was addressing a crowd of Sagittarians in a festively decorated hall. It was the first week of 2008. "You are not yet ready for the wonderful things you think you want," I told them. "To actually get them, you will have to change yourself in the coming months; you will have to shed some old conditioning that is interfering with your quest for success. Do you know what that old conditioning is? Find out NOW! Figure out how you need to transform yourself in order for the world to give you what you yearn for."

I hate it when horoscopes/psychics/fortune cookies/best friends tell you exactly what you already need to know.

Meatless day 7

I'm starting to wonder what my reliance on guacamole may do to the rest of my body.

Well, I guess I already know.

meatless day three

Vegetarian chili
bananas
three handful of rip-L chips
some world club cheese
a world club bloody mary
two glasses of wine on the plane (but it was red wine)

So I'm not healthy.
I'm meatless, but just not healthy.

chicken and egg

Do we drink because we are unbalanced?
or are we unbalanced because we drink?

a zen koan best suited for the bar stool. But unhealthy life situations seem to turn unhealthy escapism's whiskey breath into a magically delicious perfume.
If I had a different (job/relationship/workload/closet space) maybe the pinot grigio wouldn't look so refreshing.
If I didn't work quite so late maybe comfort foods would just look like junk food.
if i didn't fret, I wouldn't have insomnia.

but then, i'd have to get all new friends.

But, if I had all new friends.......

Temptation Island

Now in NYC, probably one of the worst places for me to try to be good.

Here's how the deck is stacked:
- here with mad-making colleague/friend who is NYC by way of LA by origins of TX. She can talk to anyone while drinking them under the table, smoke 'em if you got 'em, 115 lbs in Miu Miu heels who is impossible to resist. Probably Satan. If she lived in Mpls, I'd be in jail, dead or both.

- Expense acct, booze included

- Pack of ne'er drink wells from work just happened to be on our flight, in our hotel and well acquainted with the hotel bar.

I'm frontloading on green tea and raw almonds. No meat has touched these smeared-gloss lips yet.

Strength, strength, strength.

Vegetarian for a Month

So begins an experiment: one month of vegetarianism.

It's not because I don't love meat.
But I also love animals (yes, cue talk radio's "especially eating them")
I have an unhealthy--literally and figuratively--relationship with Buffalo wings. I order steaks on the rare side of medium rare. But Fast Food Nation, Omnivore's Dilemma, PETA, and my devotion to my pets are undeniable. Proof: I just got back from the dog park and it's 4 degrees.

I don't agree eating animals is immoral. I think factory farms are immoral.
We demand cruelty-free shampoo but still eat conventional cheeseburgers.
Yes, there's grass fed and free range. But I just want to see what it's like for one month.

Not forever.
31 days.
But damn it was hard to turn down that sausage this morning at the Egg & I.

Here it goes.