A-hole.
Which is basically what I've become lately.
It's not news. It's been happening for quite some time. In the name of work, procrastination or "everybody does it" I've blown off people, not returned calls or emails and basically been that guy. But in woman form.
It's been creeping at the edges for months. I've talked less to certain friends. I've blown off invitations and commitments because I didn't want to deal with the sacrifices and repercussions.
No surprise: I've been kinda down. And boozing like a guy who lost his dog/wife/job/truck/left testicle.
Then, through not-so benign neglect, I really treated an old friend badly.
Humiliatingly badly.
Like, blow off a commitment and not realize her dad's dead badly.
I damn near lost it when I found it.
Then I continued to do nothing for 4 days.
Finally, I sat my ass down and wrote an email that was difficult. Embarrassing. And totally freeing.
Then, once that was over, I sent another and left a voicemail for 2 others I suspected might be a little less than pleased with me.
Then I waited. I smoked a scrounged cigarette on the front steps at 2:30 am. I waited.
And, scared but thrilled, opened the inbox.
There was a text. Two emails. Responses.
Scarier yet: opening the above.
No lightning bolts. I'm still alive. One was totally forgiving, jovial and more than a little insincere. The other two seemed a bit more honest, and not quite as lovebug.
It's not over. But it's started.
